How I Used a Mantra to Come Out of the Darkness

I know what you’re thinking, who is this person and why is she qualified to give advice on mantras and self care?

It’s true. I do not have a fancy degree or phD, but I do have my own unique experience. I’ve gone through quite a bit in my 30 years and have struggled with both depression and anxiety. It took me a long time to figure out my own self care and to fully love who I am. To fully understand, I guess I should tell you what it was exactly that I went through.

To start I will have to go back to high school. I wasn’t the popular kid, or even the nerdy kid. I was invisible. My friend and I even have a joke that no one would recognize me if we were ever to have a reunion. I was an awkward introvert who didn’t really have the confidence to put myself out there. It was around this time that my struggle with depression began. This rolled over into my adult life.

Fast forward a couple years and suddenly I am in the drug scene. My boyfriend at the time was a bit of a bad boy and it gave me such a rush to be a part of something, even if that something was as bad as drugs.

I admit, we had our fun and it was thrilling to finally have friends and people to hang out with. But the day I went to work after a night of hard drugs, was the day it all finally sunk in.

I couldn’t do it anymore.

We were about a month from becoming homeless and I was on the brink of losing my job.

Thankfully, I have a wonderful sister and brother-in-law who took us in and helped us get back on track. The following years between getting up off our feet and marriage were uneventful.

We both suffered with our depression, so when the opportunity to move to the beautiful province of British Columbia arose, we took it. He got a well paying job and I no longer had to work a boring 9-5.

I believe this is really where I started connecting with my inner Mantra.

Despite having everything I could want, I still was sad and upset with myself. I had gained weight and couldn’t find the motivation to pursue my writing career.

We were both going through the motions, not really a true couple anymore.

The worst year of my life was the year 2021.

(trigger warning: mention of miscarriage)

It started out great, but then in March I had a miscarriage. Then 9 months later–a divorce.

After the miscarriage I looked for anything that could pull me through.

This is when I found my first mantra.

I say first because I actually have two, but we will get to the second one later.

If you’re not sure what a mantra is then I’ll define it here:

“a mystical forumla of invocation or incantation” – Meriam Webster

My mantra was strength.

I focused on this word throughout the entire day. I wrote it on sticky notes and put it everywhere around the house:

On my computer screen,
on the bathroom mirror,
on the wall next to the couch where I sat.

I fully concentrated all my energy into that one word in hopes that I would feel strong again after the miscarriage.

Just when I felt my mantra beginning to work, my then husband came to tell me he wasn’t happy and didn’t love me anymore.

This was a big blow to my own self love. I was 8 hours away from my home and family, I had zero dollars to my name and was still in debt from school. I had somehow gotten into a position where my entire life depended on that man.

I, of course, was devastated.

But this is truly where my mantra began to do its work.

I moved back home with the help of family and hunkered down, went back to a dental office for work, and I began rebuilding my life.

Only this time around, I was solely focused on building that life around ME.

I began to read self-help books, one of my favourites being You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero.

I refocused on my mantra and found another one to focus on when strength became second nature.

I am a Warrior.

Me and My Girls

If you guessed it, yes that is where I got the idea for Inner Warrior Awakened. I was fully committed to myself and that’s all I have been focusing on for the past 3 years.

And thankfully, my warrior has become equipped and as strong as ever.

This is my focus here. To help other women like me, wherever in their journey they may be.

Self care is easily neglected, especially for us women because we are natural caregivers. It amazes me how easily we can take care of others but also how easily we tend to neglect ourselves.I cannot wait to truly take you on this journey of finding your own mantra.